bliss
my first experience
it was awesome. i was at cloud no nine. i never experienced anything like this before. i did try it before but not properly. today it was perfect. and i experienced the bliss for first time in my life.
its a state that can not be explained. but i want to explain it. i don’t have words, so i will try to write everything that happened to me ….
Round 1 aka “lag of 5 secs”
* It was a state where the gravity falls to one fourth, and time shrinks to one fifth. You become very light. You fail to control yourself. Your consciousness becomes very weak, and you have to give commands to you. Your reaction time becomes high, and you feel a latency of 5 secs between you and the world.
* I was never in this state before. A sutta gives me lightweightness and a mild lag, but just for a fraction of a second. Maybe for 5 or 10 secs. But it was bigger than that. And it was going to stay. I am fully occupied by it. Its good.
One more.
Round 2 aka “lag of 10 secs”
* The world shrinks to your visibility only. Consciousness completely dies. Latency becomes 10 seconds. You are no more controlling yourself. Its reacting on its own. A very high inertia. You have to give command to your body to execute any job. Mind and body becomes two separate identities. Your body doesn’t respond to your brain anymore.
* I went to piss at this state. I as alone. I walked into the gallery toward the bathroom. I was so light, and it was so easy to walk. The body was executing it itself. I didn’t need to think to take the next step. It was like I’m seeing me walk from a distance. But now i have almost reached the end of the gallery. Now i should stop. Oh.. i am not able to stop. I’m afraid that i will collide the wall. but i don’t know how to stop myself. i have almost reached the door of bathroom. okey now i think more strongly and give command to my body to stop. yeah i am turning toward the door. relief.. i didn’t collide the wall. but i didn’t command myself to enter the bathroom. it felt like my body involuntarily (not controlled by my brain) moved to bathroom, and stopped at the right place.
Now I started peeing. But how do i stop peeing. I didn’t know. I felt like i will keep of peeing indefinitely. someone please stop me. i concentrate to stop myself peeing. ok i successfully slowed down.
* After peeing i was little better. More in my control. I realized that looking around helps. It updated the state of mind, and tells it that the world it bigger. Something like zoom out.
* All the time i knew that i am not going to remember it. It was a great experience, worth remembering. But i knew i am not normal. so i was trying to become conscious and tell myself that i am at different state, but try to remember it.
* I realized what people meant by “keep on laughing indefinitely, cry for days, etc etc”. Its a state where you are not controlling yourself. Your current state continues. The inertia to change the state is very high. You have to think hard, and command your body to act to it. That too very strongly. Otherwise you are for sure going to continue to stay in same state. I experienced it when i was walking and peeing. And I was afraid.
* It was a state where i was not in my control. But the brain knew that i am not in my control. So I was trying to control myself. This was the most beautiful part of it. I knew i’m not in my controls, and still trying to control myself. I was telling myself that okey I am not in control but still act sane.
* I feared that i will forget all of it, so i continued telling everything that was happening to me to my friend. When I was talking i had to stop myself explicitly. Otherwise my whole of the energy was concentrated in talking.
* It was raining. I loved that. Thank you god for enjoying with us.
Round 3 aka “the bliss”
* I was out now.
* Now I was not at all in my control. I remember only very few things about it. Zero consciousness.
* Once in a while i use to come to a better form and realize that i’ve been repeating same thing for some time. And suddenly i use to stop. And again go into same state. This thing repeated lots of time.
* My world shrinked to a infinity small point. I mean I could not realize that the world is big. The biggest world in this state was the room, when i was in better form. You forget everything except for the thing you are thinking about. Like i was looking at my toe and sometime later i realized that only my toe is in my brain. A zoom on the toe. I couldn’t realize what is around me, where am i. Only the toe was in my brain. The world is only as big as your concentration. I mean the awareness of external world dies in this state. Zero awareness state. You only know about what you can see or what you are thinking about. I don’t think everyone can understand it. Only those who have genuinely reached this state can understand it.
* Your thinking becomes very powerful. If you start thinking about something, you goes on thinking about that indefinitely. You are in a long road, and you are moving very fast on it. I was at a stage where I felt all my energy is concentrated at the scene. There is no energy left inside me. If i continue thinking like this anymore something will happen to me.
* I don’t remember anything more about this state. I don’t remember what people around me were doing, their configurations, and what did i do.
* It was still growing in my head. Making me more out of control. I got a feeling of vomiting. I was already late. Looked i will not be able to hold it till i reach bathroom. I was running. I cant hold it anymore. I cant. I vomit and hold it in my mouth. Luckily in meantime i have reached the washbasin. Vomit and run the tap. I spent some time there. Felt relaxed. And then i lost myself. I don’t know how long did i stay there. I was watching water run in the basin. But don’t know how long. Then other people came and pinged me. I was again back to real world.
* Head becomes a prominent part of body. It feels very big, and something like a helmet round the head holding it tightly.
* While I was standing, I felt that my legs cant hold me. They will collapse. More I was concentrating on them, more weak they felt like. I realized that if i continue to think about it i am surely going to collapse. I tried to think about something else. I guess thrice i felt like this.
* Its a state where your thinking goes only in one direction. Without any distractions. Your concentration becomes very focused. But it has very bad effects. I felt that i am breathing too fast. Now i tried to think about my breathing. And it becomes more fast. I try to control it, but i cant. i am breathing very fast. And I become very rest less. I couldn’t help myself out of this state. I tried a lot. Tried taking a deep breath, pumping my heart. At such a state looking around helped. Looking out of the window at the world. Looking at the buildings around and the sky. It helps to come out of your current state.
* I was again unconscious for some time, sitting at the chair. When I came back to consciousness I was completely restless. I thought going out will help. I wanted to ask someone to accompany me, coz i was afraid. about my current state. i knew i was out of control. but I came out alone. I was at a worst state now. My heart was beating very fast, breathing very fast. I didn’t understand what has happened to me. It was a state where i felt that i am going to die now. No one can help me. I was at a shit state. I firmly held the grills. My hands were trembling. My legs were not able to support me. I tried a lot to comfort myself but couldn’t. I was scared like anything at this state. I really had a near death experience. More I thought about it, more was i close to death. I promised myself that I wont do it ever again in life. I wanted to lie down. Lie down there only in the corridor. It was still raining. I wanted to lie in the rain. I was looking at the floor. Now I could feel the floor in my feet. Different than how it felt in normal mode. It was soft. I could feel the roughness of the surface. It was zoomed. I cant explain how it felt, but it felt entirely different. I was lost in some thoughts. I don’t know how long i stood there. But when i became unconscious again, it was no more raining. I felt i’ve been there for long time. I came back to room.
* The life at this state is a discrete life. You are conscious once in a while, and rest of the time you are in some state that you don’t know about. Kind of coma. I only remember some discrete timestamps. I have no idea what happened between those timestamps. I don’t remember what did i do for so long at washbasin, and at the corridor. Both of the times i was standing, but i don’t know anything about that period.
* I came back to room sat on chair. I was feeling better. Little fresh now. People were talking about going for breakfast. They asked me. I said yes. I wanted to enjoy this state. It was an awesome state. I never felt like this before. But i was not sure i could hold myself more. People were talking and i was sitting at chair thinking something. And I again lost myself. When I came back to life, it was morning. I could see the light around. People asked for breakfast. I said no. Room ? Yes. Well I walked myself all the way to my room. Again felt like vomiting. Lied on my bed. Took the bucket close, in case i need it. And a bottle of water. And slept.
* You have no sense of time in this state. I didnot have any idea how much time has elapsed between. 2 seconds or 2 hours. Absolute zero awareness state.
comeback
* After some time I open my eyes. I can still feel it in my head. I don’t know how to wake up. Looks like its still morning. But i don’t want to sleep. I want to wakeup and enjoy this state. Saw the time. it was 4pm. almost 9 hrs of sleep. OMG. Went to bathroom, saw myself in mirror, washed my eyes. And went to canteen. While walking i could still feel the difference. Kinda one percent of night, but it was still there.
footnotes
* All this is true, described at my best from what i remember about it. Believe me its not exaggerated.
* I will not do it again. Promise. Its bliss, an awesome experience. But I am not going to do it again. Its really addictive. I can feel that. I know why people say don’t do it even once. Its damn addictive. But I wont do it again. Never.
* I wrote it because i want to remember this experience forever. And share it.
* Its worth experiencing once, but don’t do it.
* I love you upasana.
thanks
* to all of the people who helped me reach this state
* to the people to took care of me all along
B2
Light, smooth, awesome, cool, bliss2.
comments
* Heavenly bliss … more like pit less fall
* Quite subdued , it is aura of a saint or a person who just experienced the ….
* Spectator 1 (v) : Excited, happy, carefree
* Spectator 2 (s) : Was talking a lot, was telling everything that i was experiancing
