smr’s blog

I dont like to be senti anymore. There use to be a time when I use to cry all night. I use to create scenarios, and become senti about that. I rember thinking about her marriage and weeping [ before my confession to her]. A state like a dream, but still awake. Myself directing the dream, and also weeping about it. I rember so often myself directing the scene of her departure, me controlling my tears till the last moment and bursting out at the last moment of her departure when she is meeting me. And my pillow use to be really wet those days.

I loved to live in the mind made world those days. I loved to cry all night. I loved to be senti. And I used to feel better with all this.

But it doesnt happen anymore. I hate being senti now. Especially for a mind made scenario. I do become senti (to a less extent), but i dont like being senti.
I see a loss of lots of emotions in me. I am becoming less emotional. And I bet, no one ever can be emotinal/senti like I was some time. That was a great time. So is it.

Change. Yeah… things do change… Its strange. I never thought I will change like this.

But I like what am i now. I feel much complete. Much stable. I think I am looking at life from a better height now. I will call it awareness and consciousness. I am not living in my mind anymore.

Yeah… Raincoat. And Devdas. I went through same kind of phase through both of the movies. That why did they do the mistake of not staying with eachother. Why was the sacrifice so important for ?
And I just know one thing. I will not make such a mistake in my life. No matter what. This world just blackmails you. For nothing.
Its my life, and I will make the decisions.

I want to talk about it. Utkarsh c’mon. And others too.

This entry was posted on Monday, July 11th, 2005 at 7:23 am and is filed under personal, philosophy. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.