Yesterday she screwed me for not posting the valentine day’s card till now. I had no good reason for not posting. And for not writing any letters. No reasons. There use to be times when on an average I use to write one page of letter a day. But now i dont remember when did i post the last letter. But now i do talk to her more frequently. with talking so much writing letter becomes irrelevent. i cant even write a letter now. dont know what to write. she doesnot understand it. she only knows that i don’t write letters anymore.
I agree that I give her much less time now. I no more dream about a future every night, create a plot and think about it. I no more plan beautiful mornings anymore, and I dont think about those romantic ideas anymore. Those romantic letters and beautiful cards.
But that doesnot mean her importance in my life has reduced, or “I am changed”. Not really. I would say I am more busy.
Busy ? Can’t I give the time to her when i choose to play a game of cs or quake. Write a letter instead of doing of all the bc i do.
I can’t really argue on this point. But its like relaxing. I can’t really write a letter in such a time.
Oh… I see now giving your time to her is like another work for you. You think it like a burdon now ?
If you argue like this I can’t really say anything. All I know is I still love her the same, even more. I am still the same. And she is always in my mind. Even in my unconsciousness. She is like an unseperable part of me. I feel her everytime, in every tissue of my life. I can’t prove it, but I really love her more than anything.
She says “computers are her sautan“. Maybe true.
If computers were not in my life, I would had given her much more time. All my nights. I would had rather written a letter then writing this blog. I know its going to be the same all my life. I can’t help it. But its just a machine. I spent time with computer, but I cant love it. My love is only for her. She doesn’t understand.
Nothing irritares her more than my sitting on computer while talking to her. It really make her upset. I bet no girl will feel more bad if her guy is with another girl while talking to her, than she does if i am on computer while talking to her.
I didn’t yet post the letters/cards. No one can save me now.