Archive for the ‘love’ Category

I can’t suck more

Tuesday, July 12th, 2005

no one can. never.
How can I forget such an important day of my life. I use to mark this date in my calendar, as soon I use to get a new one. And use to prepare for this day one month in advance. I use to be unconsciously conscious about this day. And this time, it came and went, and i didnt even notice.
I just can’t suck more.
It was sitting at the dinner table, I asked is it 12th. July 12th. “Yes”
Is this what I call love. Remembering her birthday at 9pm. I mean at 2100 hrs.

How can I ????????? sad

Happy Birthday Jaan. Luv u lots.

* She is in village these days. College vacations till Aug 1st week. So can’t anyway call her, and wish her. She asked me to write a letter everyday, as a birthday gift. But I’m not writing any. I am so much out of touch with writing letters. I cant write now. She will screw me for it.
* Its kinda bad day for me. I am not feeling well today. Kinda feverish. Can’t work. Slept 10am to 3pm. And now watching movies.

love @ summer vacations’05

Friday, June 24th, 2005

met her on 22nd. I reached Solan at 5am. I had bath in a hotel and recieved her at bus stand. She was there by 8am. We went to her friends home. We had good time together. Had our lunch in a hotel, and stayed together till 4pm. It was supposed to be a 2 hrs meeting, keeping in mind her exams starting from 25th. And there was a big drama about that just 2 days before. And now she was not letting me go. She was crazy. After long time we were together for so long at a comfortable place. I guess 3 years. After long time i was able to comfortably hug her. A wonderful time together.

then we were in touch by phone.

But on 2nd June, something went wrong. I made a big mistake from her point of view, though I was nothing great from my point of view. It disturbed her a lot. It was worst time to disturb her coz it was her exam time. I did not intend to disturb her but it just happened.

After unintentionally disturbing her so badly, I decided not to call her again, till her exams were over. And it was really difficult to control, but hoping that i dont want to disturb her more during her exams i didnt call her. The construction work at home kept me busy so helped me pass time at home.

She called me on 14th, and I came to know that what i did was the worst i could do to her. All along she waited for my phone like crazy and didnt do anything good in exams. According to her these 12 days were the most difficult time of her life. She felt that i have left her. She went through stages like not marrying in life etc etc. I feel so sorry for giving her this time. I again breaked my promise (to myself) of ‘never hurting her’. Can’t go back and change the past. sad

We talked only once or twice after that, and then we had some problem with std line in our exchange, and also was in the marriage.

Met her again on 20th, while returning back. I reached Solan at 2pm. Had lunch with her in a hotel Hemani. And left the place at 4pm.

Her exams were over on 18th and she went home on 21st. She will come back to college on August first week. Till then i will be really lucky if i could hear her voice even for a second.

The circumstances are still very bad for us, as my close relative told me how everyone looks at our relation. We have two major problems. First she is my cousin sister, second she has a very negative image about her habits etc. The second is more stronger than the first. And yeah, third problem which we will need to face in future is that I am manglik[1].

[1] manglik person can only marry another manglik person, in hindu dharm. And if not so then the non manglik one will die soon after the marriage.

her highness

Friday, May 20th, 2005

Today called her. Guess what ?
She wants me to meet her while going to home. And she is real crazy about it now. I screwed her again (with love), with all the reasons she gave to me in last 2 days for not meeting. That “I i meet, then her 2 days before gets wasted for thinking that I am coming, and 2 days after it gets waisted in the khumar*[1]. And get screwed in the exams starting on 25th”.
But now the problem is that I spent all of the money in shopping*[2] and most important i have got an ugly infection on my upperlips*[3]

Getting crazy to see her again, and hold her *[4]

*[1] whats the english for khumar *[5]
*[2] finally bought shoes, after taking money from home from almost 2 years ( 3 times) for the same.
*[3] in the girls language
*[4] if i’m lucky
*[5] its a better way to explain thins, than in brackets. I guess. ?

its over [ simplicity of complex things ]

Wednesday, May 18th, 2005

called her again yesterday night. thought everything will be fine now. wanted to end it now.
but she didn’t finish it here. it was now her turn to react. afterall she was listening from 2 days. she had a lot to say. she wanted me to understand how cheap i was all along. talked about my ego, my villianious behaviour. Said “You are not the Sunny I loved.”.
I cant really listen a lot.

Didnt thought that she will make it this worse. it felt like everything has finished. like its over. We were no way going to agree with eachother. felt like we no more understand eachother. i was not able to see a future for us. it became impossible to imagine that we can live together. didnt know how to stop it, though i wanted to. it was the worst time of our relationship. felt like we are on the verge of breakup.

and the phone got disconnected. called her again…

…and both of us were in tears. Didnt speak anything. That was the most senti moment of my life. Like we were away for ages.

And then all of it was a memory.

In Making : breakup - circumstances and psychology